A Marriage Sex 2011

• What You Need To Know
• Once a child comes into the picture, you can't walk away from a marriage with clean hands.
• When your marriage is at risk, attempt to reignite the flames.
• Adultery never saves a marriage.

"Only 10% of all American families know how to work things out properly. The rest of them holler and yell."

This week, a reader is ready to call it quits with wife. But she recently announced she was pregnant. Is it possible to save a marriage? Doc Love, author of "The System," has the answer. 

reader’s question

Hey Doc,

I’ve been in a relationship with Isabelle for seven years and have been married to her for two-and-a-half years. A year and a half ago, we had one of those arguments where at the end of it you don’t know if you want to be with that person anymore. While my gut instinct was to leave the relationship, I decided to try to save the marriage because of everything that we had been through together.

falling out of love

Months passed, and things seemed to get better. Meanwhile, I changed jobs (twice) and spent almost all of my time working in order to secure my position at the office. This last summer we finally had some financial stability and things calmed down a bit, but it became obvious to me that I did not feel the same way about my wife and that things weren’t going to change.

About the time that I started to consider leaving the relationship, my wife became pregnant. I’ve been doing my best to take care of her and be supportive during this pregnancy, but it’s becoming all too clear that I don’t want to stay in the same household. I say this because I have spent two nights with another woman, and while that relationship isn’t going anywhere (an ex-boyfriend showed up one day, and I’m no fool), I am not going to avoid future liaisons with other women.

I feel that I should stay in the relationship with my wife until the child is six months to a year old to show that I can be a responsible father and that I can take care of the child. I feel this is important for when there is a divorce and child custody comes into question. I want to be part of my son’s life, to see him daily and take care of his needs, even if it means that during this time I’m not going to be a good husband.

I suppose my question is, am I going about this the right way? What are your thoughts? Do you have any suggestions on how to save a marriage?

Yaz - who has heavy decisions to make

doc love’s response

Hi Yaz,

When you argue with a woman, it does nothing whatsoever but lower Interest Level in both people -- you and her. And that’s really sad, because rather than sit down and talk things out calmly, the volume rises in the voices, then it turns into screaming, and the entire situation deteriorates. Like my cousin General Love says, “Very few people know how to sit down and negotiate.” Only 10% of all American families know how to work things out properly. The rest of them holler and yell, and when that happens, the man withdraws. Like I said, this is very sad.

Doc Love offers his advice on how to save this marriage The consequence of letting your relationship with your wife fall apart is that you're not going to be able to be a good father to your child. "

giving up on your marriage

Let me ask you a question, Yaz. Are you trying to make this relationship work? Are you giving your wife affection and romance? Are you taking her out once a week? Or are you nothing more than a male roommate to this woman? What have you tried to do to save this marriage?

Now, let me get this straight. You fight with your wife all the time, but she happens to get pregnant in the middle of all this warfare? Wow, you sure found time for lovemaking, didn’t you? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “I’m surprised you didn’t ask her how she got pregnant.”

And at the same time, you found the time to cheat on her with a babe whose ex-boyfriend is around. Great! At least your life isn’t a mess. When you should be working on saving your marriage with your wife, especially since she’s pregnant, you’re out messing around with some ding-dong. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “All this does is muddy the waters, boy.”

But I shouldn’t jump to any conclusions, right? Because you have a plan, Yaz. You’re going to get a divorce from Isabelle after six months with your child. Let me ask you this: How is it going to make you a responsible father when you split from your baby after six months? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Whose system of logic are you following, my son?”

plan for the future

Guy, you have to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your kid. You’re being incredibly selfish here. Secondly, you have to try and put the relationship with Isabelle back together by getting “The System” as soon as possible and studying and following the maintenance program, no matter how tough it is.

Dude, you have to force yourself to try and be a good husband. You have to tough this thing out and learn how to save a marriage. You have a commitment with Isabelle, who happens to be your wife. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “What happened to ‘for better or worse,’ dawg?” Remember those words that you said to the preacher, Yaz? The consequence of letting your relationship with your wife fall apart is that you’re not going to be able to be a good father to your child when you’re living in another house, another town or state. Again, where’s your logic?

Here are my suggestions. Get my program ASAP and start dating your wife and do your best to be nice to her on account of your child. That’s what you have to do. You have to forget your own needs for a change. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Once you have a kid, your needs go out the window.” If your wife weren’t pregnant, things would be different. You could walk away from this relationship with Isabelle with a clear conscience. But that’s not the case. Everything in your life now has to be geared to your child instead of to you, and that means no messing around with women who aren’t your lawfully wedded spouse in love.

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